Ribbon Around A Bomb

Femme Avant-core

San Francisco: Outside Lands 2013

OMseriousG, San Francisco, the Outside Lands line-up was announced! Let me now proceed to critically dissect (okay, make pointless, snarky comments about some of) the booked acts. Last year’s Ribbon Around a Bomb Outside Lands post was equally negative, but at least offered a ton of positive alternatives. Maybe I’ll try to do that this year too, come August.

nin early
[Why yes, this is early NIN. A taste of what’s to come.]

For now, here’s your line-up, SF:

Paul McCartney (No one needs to see this.)
Red Hot Chili Peppers (Gross)
Nine Inch Nails (DGAF, I love you 4-ever, Trent.)
Vampire Weekend (ZzZzZz)
Pretty Lights
Yeah Yeah Yeahs (Except no. But at least we get ONE frontwoman in here. Sheesh.)
The National (Kill me)
Jurassic 5
Willie Nelson & Family (DYK: “Thou shalt not talk shit on Willie Nelson, ever, despite everything” is actually the 11th commandment?)
Grizzly Bear
Daryl Hall & John Oates (Christ. No comment.)
Young The Giant
Band of Horses (*Throws up in mouth a little.*)
The Head and The Heart (Ugh. This is why I do what I do, people.)
Yeasayer (They were once acceptable. I think.)
Matt & Kim
The Tallest Man on Earth (Can they just add Mumford and Stuff to this terrible line-up already and call it a day?)
Trombone Shorty & Orleans Avenue (I don’t know what this is, but it sounds neat and I don’t want to ruin that thought by looking them up.)
Youth Lagoon
Gary Clark Jr. (Forced to see this guy once, almost jumped out the window. Don’t worry, it was first floor.)
Jessie Ware
Dillon Francis
Kurt Vile and the Violators (Why have a cool name if you’re just gonna suck?)
Emeli Sandé
The Mother Hips
Surfer Blood
The Growlers
Thao & The Get Down Stay Down (Ew)
Camper Van Beethoven (Dear CVB, please come to my house, play “Take the Skinheads Bowling” for me for nostalgia’s sake, then leave my life for another 15 years. Thanks.)
Smith Westerns
Fishbone (Okay, I’d fucking pay to see Fishbone. Yes. I said it.)
Milo Greene
Atlas Genius (Oh, I’m sorry, I just fell asleep for a second.)
Twenty One Pilots
The Heavy
Ivan Neville’s Dumpstaphunk
King Tuff (Meh I’d probs see ’em actually.)
The Lone Bellow
Little Green Cars
James McCartney
The Soft White Sixties
Deap Vally
The Men (I strangely have nothing against The Men.)
Midi Matilda
Kopecky Family Band
Houndmouth (Why, just why?)
Foy Vance
Bhi Bhiman
Naia Kete
The Easy Leaves


Mom, if you’re reading this, I know I need to be more positive and let people just like what they like. Stop judging people, that sort of thing. But. I. Just. Can’t. help it with this festival.

5 comments on “San Francisco: Outside Lands 2013

  1. Jay
    April 17, 2013

    Definitely one of my favorite posts on the blog this year. One of the best things about ignoring this sort of music is being secure in the knowledge that you’re not missing a thing when these events roll around. Band names alone are enough – “Thao and the Get Down Stay Down”. Wow. And I’m so ignorant of current indie dreck that I can’t even form an opinion on “The National” or “Band of Horses” or “Yeasayer”, because I’ve never heard them – unless it was unwittingly at a store or on car commercial.

    I scanned this lineup yesterday and saw one act – King Tuff – that I’d actually consider watching. Maybe Fishbone, as you say. Well, I guess I’d go look at McCartney for a minute so I could see a Beatle in person. Thanks for the snarkiriffic post.

    • ribbonaroundabomb
      April 17, 2013

      Thank you! I bet King Tuff is playing a show that week for like, $12… definitely a way better choice. And I also listened to that CVB song the other night for the first time since, like 2001, when it used to show up on VH1 Classic music video channel from time to time… I am satisfied.

  2. Orange (a/k/a David)
    April 17, 2013

    There’s nothing wrong with this snarkfest. If you slam the Mumfords and laud Fishbone, all the better!

  3. TommyTopHat
    April 19, 2013

    Hahahahaha! 😀 More posts like this please! 😀 I always want to give out about bands I don’t like, but people get mad at me if I do. (Yet it’s somehow acceptable for people to criticise the stuff I like…)

    …I will admit I do like NIN though. Don’t know any of the others on the list, except for the Beatles guy, and I amn’t fond of him.

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